Disillusionment and growing up..

You know, when you are a kid, say a five year old, you begin to think that you are all powerful within your realm of activity. You start fancying that you are a super-hero from a cartoon show or a cowboy from a western or like in my case, a mythological Indian prince from Doordarshan or Amar Chitra Katha. In your imaginary world, while jumping on the bed, tumbling on the sofa, fighting treacherous villains who exist only in your head, you are all powerful, anything is possible and then...you grow up. You start playing with kids of your age. You have your first brushes with organized competitive sport like cricket and football. You begin to realize that there are others who better than you, that older boys seem to be stronger, but then your spirit is still not fully broken. The imaginary world refuses to let go. You still believe that you are as good as Sachin Tendulkar, it's just that today was not your day, luck wasn't on your side, the day when you shall play that match winning innings is just around the corner. You keep chasing that dream all the way through middle school and the early years of high school and then.....you grow up. By now, you probably have been rejected from every school team sports selection after making it past the first round, the realization that you are no good at sport slowly begins to sink in, but you keep trying. At the same time, suddenly, studies seem to be a big thing, not that they were not earlier (Indian middle-class kids have no escape), but now they seem to be really, really serious. Tutions, board exams, world-cup-cricket matches on TV, the odd crush - life passes through in a blur. Your board results come, you join a college, you don't have a clue about what's happening around you, yet you fall in line and follow and life continues to pass on like a blur. Your new super heroes are entrepreneurial geniuses like Bill Gates, rock-stars like Metallica, English premiership footballers, movie actors, nobel laureautes and all other icons of pop culture prevalent at your time. You try to emulate them in your mind till you well....grow up. You get a job, or sign up for higher studies and then get a job, all in all once you start working your reference points change once again. Now your super stars start becoming more real. After the initial months you realize that reaching CEO will take some time, the only option now is to put your head down and work (those who don't realize this soon enough, go through a lot of emotional anguish before they settle down to the worker ant mode). And so here I am, trying to come to terms with my limitations and ordinariness (now don't worry, I'm not heading for the window ledge to jump off, instead I'm writing this blog), trying to redefine my super heroes and idols, down-sizing them - should I aim to be like my boss, a country GM, nah, I should aim higher, try to become his boss, a regional GM and then....I grow up and get real...sigh...I'm only a consultant and even becoming a senior consultant is years away...reality sucks.

I should probably switch jobs and start writing tear-jerkers for Ekta Kapoor.